September was a life-altering month for us. Ever get a feeling of foreboding premonition that something is about to happen – like its right there in your mind, but not quite in focus? That happened to me this month. Like I knew it was coming, but I didn’t know what.
On September 2 I was in my car on my way to meet friends and Alan, my husband, who was going elsewhere was in front of me in his truck. The traffic slowed suddenly and as I slammed on my brakes I thought, “Crap, wouldn’t it be something if I ran into the back of my own husband.” Then several cars ahead I saw why everything had slowed, it was a paint truck painting the white lines on the road.
We inched slowly forward as the traffic light a few feet ahead turned red and we all stopped – all except for the paint truck that made it through the light and continued about his business. The light turned green and we started off only to come to an abrupt stop as once again the traffic reached the painters.
Because I was aware of the painters I knew to drive slowly and stay a safe distance from the back of Alan’s truck – then BAM someone rammed me from behind – I was pushed forward and saw Alan’s bumper getting closer and closer, then as if on que and in perfect timing, he inched forward and I barely missed being pushed into his bumper. I was afraid Alan was not aware that I had been hit, so I started blowing my horn and he pulled off to the side of the road – as did I and the truck that had rammed me.
It was a very nervous and apologetic young lady who had not been paying attention – apparently she pulled up behind me as we sat at the red light unaware of the street painters and once the traffic started she didn’t expect it to slow so abruptly. Now get this, I drive a BRIGHT YELLOW Dodge Neon and she didn’t see it – but once she explained WHY she didn’t see it, I fully understood. As I stated, she was a YOUNG lady, she explained that a “good looking man in a truck on the other side of the road” had caught her attention and she was “looking at him instead of the traffic ahead” – after all, we had just gotten the green light, so she expected the traffic to GO, not SLOW.
The police were called and as they did what they do the young lady stood with us apologizing over and over again – obviously upset and fearful of what might happen since she was ‘at fault.’ I think she about half expected us to give her a cussing but we explained that, “If this is the biggest problem we ever have, then we’re thankful we have no problems.” You could see her tension begin to ease and when she left she actually gave each of us a hug.
According to the police report the ‘speed’ of our vehicles at impact was estimated at 5 to 7 MPH. That night my body hurt all over (my doctor suggested physical therapy for a time and I’m doing just fine) and I said to Alan, “If I feel like this from THAT accident, then I never want to be involved in a REAL accident.” Thoughts of the results of a ‘real’ accident lingered in my mind for the next few days.
On 9/11 Alan’s mom called and was frantic because she had been wakened from her night’s sleep with a knock on the door and it was a policeman telling her that his dad had been in an auto accident and had been taken to the local hospital. I guess it was because of the accident I had experienced just the week prior that gave us the mindset that everything would be OK, just stuff we’d have to ‘do.’
We live just a few blocks away from the hospital and got there quickly, in time to see the ambulance driver, who is also a friend of ours, so we asked if he had brought Alan’s dad to the hospital. “Yes,” he said, “and I hate to be the one to tell you guys this, but he’s critical.” That word ‘critical’ hit us like a slap in the face. Then our friend continued to give us information on the accident. Apparently Alan’s dad had experienced an event (most likely stroke or possibly a heart attack) that caused him to stiffen and his foot lodged onto the accelerator which caused his vehicle to continually gain speed until he hit a tree head on. He had no pulse nor respiration when the paramedics had arrived but they had been successful in, “bringing him back.”
When we went on into the emergency room they gathered us into a ‘special room’ for the family – I knew this act alone meant things were bad. After what seemed like forever a young doctor came into the room and explained the ‘possibilities.’ He explained that due to certain injuries, including brain and heart damage, IF he survived he would never experience any level of quality life again but that the MOST LIKELY scenario was he would not survive. The doctor explained that Alan’s dad was being air lifted to the UK Medical Center but we would be allowed to visit him prior to boarding the helicopter.
As the family entered the emergency room I ‘felt’ that Alan’s dad wasn’t there – even though he still had breath and a heart beat. He was transported to the medical center’s intensive care unit where visitors could go in two at a time. As Alan and I stood at the side of his father’s bed I felt fear – not from myself, but as if it were coming from his dad. I lay my hand across his forehead and said, “there is no need for fear, you are safe’ and we left the room.
Alan and I spent the night in the hospital in the ICU’s waiting room with his mom. I thought about Alan’s dad and the condition he was in and thought, “God, WHY in this world did you allow the paramedics bring him back just to have to go through this.” Of course, GOD ALWAYS ANSWERS. Immediately I received the thought, “THIS, Bobbie, is for his family. THEY need preparation time to be ready to let him go – it will be easier for them to let go because they will have the knowing that ‘going’ is the best option. If they had just received the word that he was ‘gone’ it would have been so much harder on them.”
At 2:15 p.m. the following afternoon Alan’s dad passed on. Although there was disbelief, much crying and grief, every one of the family members ‘understood’ and was able to go through the loss of their husband, father, grandfather knowing he was in a better place than to, “never experience any level of quality life again.”
Virtual visitation for Alan’s dad is available at http://www.blackburnandward.com/sitemaker/sites/blackb0/obit.cgi?user=131545Sholar. Please feel free to leave a comment on the guest book.
When you learn to let go and let God, it’s always done right – sometimes we even get to ‘understand’ God’s mysterious ways..
